tell your sister to shave her snatch
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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