i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
