So drunk, too bad you don't want this
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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