My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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