Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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