When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
