so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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