What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
