Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
