Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize