You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize