i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
