hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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