Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
