i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
