I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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