i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
