i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
