the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
honey bunches of taint.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
