Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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