The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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