did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
