does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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