you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
