I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
