hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
