And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
