my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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