We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
