Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
