Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
