if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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