I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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