I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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