Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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