i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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