I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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