Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
