Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
