Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
