Your mouth is God's brothel.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
