she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
