I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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