He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize