you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
