Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize