No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
