Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
