Sry I called you an 8
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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