Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
