I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
