I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
