We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
