see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
