I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize