dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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