i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
