Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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