i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
