Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
