I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
