I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
