i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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