I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
