if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I love having hate sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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