I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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