sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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